Guest Blog Fail - The Most Ridicu­lous Guest Post Of­fer You’ve Seen This Year!

Since Matt Cutt’s re­cent re­marks, we’re all a bit more self-con­s­cious about guest blog­ging, aren’t we?

To­day I re­ceived an email, of­fer­ing a guest post for my blog at RalfSkirr.com.

The word­ing in this guest post of­fer is so hi­lar­i­ous that …

The Writer Dis­qual­i­fied Him­self By Pack­ing His Of­fer In A Bunch Of Nar­cis­sis­tic BS.

But don’t be­lieve me, judge for yourself.

Here’s the letter:

Hello,

Be­ing a well-versed, vet­eran, techno-savvy & en­thu­si­as­tic blog­ger, I would like to ex­press my in­ter­est pleas­antly to be­come a part of your em­i­nent plat­form as a Guest Blogger.

In­deed, on this plat­form, I would share & bring out my “know how” to con­tribute in­for­ma­tive, in­spi­ra­tional & ex­clu­sive blog posts for the end-read­­ers. I en­sure that my write-ups on the lat­est web de­vel­op­ment tech­nolo­gies, new trends & in­no­va­tions for di­verse in­dus­trial sec­tors will en­hance knowl­edge as well as keen­ness of the readers.

You can have a glance at some of my work-snip­pets, just go through the fol­low­ing links that re­flect my pro­fi­cient writ­ing skills as well as allegiance:

I am con­fi­dent about that you will def­i­nitely like the fol­low­ing Guest blogs with ex­clu­sive title/topic. Cur­rently, all these posts has be­come the most liveli­est con­ver­sions among the web de­vel­op­ers & de­sign­ers. Please ex­plore fol­low­ing top­ics, it will just take your few seconds:

I’m sure that you will love to read my prof­fered fea­tured blogs & you would em­phat­i­cally ad­mire my qual­ity-rich, pre­cise, key­­word-ori­ented & search en­gine friendly write-ups on dif­fer­ent top­ics on your web­site. The blogs, of­fered by me for your web­site, are ab­solutely free of cost. And as re­wards, I just would like to gain back­links for www.csschopper.com from your end.

Please Note: Hope­fully, I will get your re­ply as early as pos­si­ble (ex­pected: “within 3 days”), else my for­warded con­tent will be sent for pub­lish­ing on the other websites.

I think that I have made every­thing crisp & clear. If you have any dis­ar­ray or query re­gard­ing the afore­said points, you can re­vert me for the same freely.

Ea­gerly look­ing for a con­vinced re­sponse from you on my re­quested blog proposal!

Thank you,

Hey, De­spite Be­ing Ter­ri­ble, It Ac­tu­ally Worked!

Css­chop­per got their back link, af­ter all. It’s a nice site, and as­sum­ing their work re­sults are pro­fes­sional , the pric­ing is good.

But the site might con­sider hir­ing someone

1. who doesn’t spam blogs with generic copy-and-paste letters.
2. who doesn’t write emails that make you fall from your chair laughing.

“Okay, Ralf, so you made me smile, or shake my head in dis­be­lief. But is there ac­tu­ally some­thing use­ful in this blog post?”

Ah, you got me.

Let’s turn this into some­thing useful.

How To Make Guest Post Pro­pos­als That Don’t Get Deleted

Or even bet­ter, that get a fa­vor­able re­sponse by the blogger!

1. Don’t hype your­self. It’s em­bar­rass­ing at best, and wast­ing time. You don’t need to tell a blog­ger you’re Pulitzer ma­te­r­ial. Give him links to your sam­ple posts, and he will see what you have to of­fer. Talk about your­self as lit­tle as pos­si­ble. Talk about what you have to of­fer for the blog.
2. Keep it short. Blog­gers don’t have time to read long ram­blings. Es­pe­cially from peo­ple they’ve never heard of.
3. Give links to sam­ple posts. That’s about the only thing the above let­ter did right.
4. Don’t threaten with dead­lines, and with giv­ing your pre­cious post to an­other blog. Hello? You are the one, who wants some­thing from the blog pub­lisher. The blog­ger didn’t beg you to of­fer him your post. Don’t ever do this. In­stead, you should be en­thu­si­as­tic to write a post ex­clu­sively and tai­lored for this blog.
5. Use a word ed­i­tor with gram­­mar- and spell-check­­ing. Some of the gram­mar mis­takes in the let­ter above could have been avoided us­ing Mi­crosoft Word’s au­to­matic gram­mar checker. You don’t even need to pay a proof reader to do that.
6. Make sure your topic is a per­fect match for the host blog. I was of­fered 3 posts about web de­sign. It’s not far off, but it’s also not a truly ex­cel­lent fit.Explore each blog you want to win as guest blog plat­form. Make sure you un­der­stand what ex­actly it is about. Mis­match of topic is the num­ber one rea­son I re­ject guest pots for InternetBusinessMastermind.
7. Don’t send copy and paste let­ters. Noth­ings says ‘I’m an SEO spam­mer’ more than send­ing generic emails. The email above didn’t even in­clude my name.
8. Build re­la­tion­ships with blog­gers first, of­fer guest posts sec­ond. If you re­mem­ber any­thing from this post, re­mem­ber this!Don’t drop guest posts to ran­dom blogs like a bird ran­domly drops its busi­ness on its way fly­ing south. Don’t even of­fer guest posts to blogs you don’t read fre­quently and you don’t have a re­la­tion­ship with. This is the type of SEO that gives guest blog­ging a bad name.Guest post­ing is about build­ing re­la­tion­ships with fel­low blog­gers, and about reach­ing new au­di­ences. Con­nect with blog­gers in your niche. It has nu­mer­ous ad­van­tages, be­sides get­ting guest blog op­por­tu­ni­ties.

   Use blog com­ments, blog­ging com­mu­ni­ties, and so­cial me­dia to get in touch with blog­gers. Once you’re al­ready con­nected to a blog­ger, you won’t fall into the trap of send­ing a copy-and-paste letter.

Have you ever seen such a ridicu­lous proposal?

What do you think?